Finalizing a marriage is usually painful for everyone involved. It reveals the worst aspects of your marriage. When you decide to divorce, shame and guilt are frequently the driving emotions. Although they are natural to feel and common to happen, divorce-related shame and guilt may absorb you and prevent you from moving forward to the life you deserve. Discover more about marriage termination feelings, learn how to handle them, and invest in a better life without hurdles.
The guilt and shame of divorce
No matter whether you are through the cheapest divorce in Georgia or face a complicated process with a list of expenses, there will be a bunch of negative feelings you are to overcome. The guilt and shame of divorce are the ones most likely to happen. The only difference is the intensity of the feelings you face and your will to cope with the hurdles.
The responsibility guilt
The guilt and shame of divorce often come with the burden of responsibility. If you are used to taking responsibility for both good and bad things that happen in your relationships, be prepared to suffer from responsibility guilt when your marriage ends.
You are going to be overwhelmed with tons of questions about what went wrong, whether you committed enough to your marriage, and what could be done differently. If you have a strong sense of responsibility, you will blame yourself for not preventing or even predicting the divorce.
Yet, as it is necessary to understand that you need two for marriage, the same goes for divorce. This means you two need to share the responsibility for your marriage not functioning properly and overcome the hurdles together.
The initiator guilt
When the marriage is not functioning properly, you either find the power and enthusiasm to fix it or the courage to put it to an end. Even if you two agree that marriage termination is the only way out, someone will have to initiate the process. If you are the one to propose a divorce, get ready to cope with divorce guilt.
You may feel guilty for giving up, for not giving your relationships a chance, for being the one to ruin your marriage. But your only task is to take another point of view and treat your decision differently. You should approach it as a wise decision to rid your life of dead relationships, intoxicating connections, and a life that is unpleasant. Divorce provides everyone with the opportunity to live a better life apart.
The parenting guilt
Partners are not the only ones who suffer from divorce. Typically, children suffer the most negative consequences of divorce. But it doesn’t mean that marriage termination is not a preferred option for everyone.
Parents feel guilty; they have ruined their kids’ childhood with their decision to part. They will feel responsible for every behavioural inadequacy in the near future and any mischief their children face.
But the truth is, kids, are often happier when parents co-parent from a distance than when they intoxicate the family living under the same roof in a failed marriage.
Divorce shame is associated with divorce guilt, but these are feelings of entirely different origins. If the guilt comes from your inner understanding that you have done something wrong, the shame is brought by other people claiming you have failed with your marriage and the following steps.
People tend to disapprove of the decision to end the marriage. They judge the divorcees for not thinking about their kids, for the divorce decision being unacceptable in God’s eyes, and more. The divorcees’ surrounding people suspect them of having shameful secrets that have brought them to divorce, partners being reluctant to commit and fix their relationships, and so on.
If strong feelings of guilt and shame are not addressed properly, they can lead to depression and prevent divorcees from moving on and committing to a better life after divorce.
Dealing with the shame and guilt of divorce
On your way to a new and refined life after divorce, overcoming shame and guilt is a necessary step to prevent a negative impact on your life and move forward easily. Check out what you can do in a similar case:
Acknowledge that you are somehow guilty of what has happened to your marriage. Don’t blame yourself for everything. But decide fairly on the mistakes that you have made and that have driven you to end your marriage. Learn your lesson and be prepared to move on, not to repeat the same mistakes, but to focus on how your previous relationships can help you grow better in your future relationships.
2. Share the responsibility
You should not accept responsibility for every failure in your marriage, especially for actions you have not taken. Even if you initiated the marriage, you are not sure about the one who brought your relationship to failure. Realizing what you and your partner have done wrong is one of the first steps in coping with guilt.
3. Let go of past mistakes
What is done should go into the past. You should leave your offences and guilt in your failed relationships and stop blaming yourself for everything that went wrong between you two. As soon as you let it all go, there will be enough space and energy for new relationships and a better life.
If you keep on reacting and counting on everyone’s opinion, you will get stuck in shame for a long time. Your main task here is to understand that you cannot and shouldn’t please everyone with your actions and should instead do what is suitable and preferable for you and your family.
5. Focus on the good
It is not your marriage failure that should move you forward. You should better focus on what really matters in your life. Take care of your own personal wellness, safety, and well-being, as well as the well-being of your family, and other priorities that matter more than the opinions of others. That will let you invest your powers and energy in your happy future.