“A relationship where you can be weird together is your best choice.” — Paulo Coelho
If we think about the challenges of the COVID-19 pandemic, most of us might immediately think of physical health implications such as hospitalization or a drop in oxygen levels, or worse. While the physical toll of the pandemic is ever-increasing, there has been a growing concern for the mental health implications of the pandemic as well.
Given that we have all been forcibly ushered into a virtual era, our social relationships have definitely taken a hit. One of these areas is of course: dating. Along with a bunch of other challenges, the pandemic has also put our love life to the test. Some have been cooped up with their partners for months now- shining a light on the strengths and weaknesses of their relationships. Whereas others have either added online dating to their already increasing screen time, or have decided to ride the pandemic out on their own.
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For people isolating away from their partners, it won’t take long for them to start missing their partners. For one thing, being in isolation deprives one of physical touch and intimacy, which are an important part of a relationship. Kory Floyd, a psychologist from the University of Arizona has described a concept called ‘skin hunger,’ which basically is the deprivation of any physical affection. Thus, more than being lonely, this phenomenon explains why having a phone call with your partner or seeing them over a video call is just not as fulfilling as having them right next to you (Floyd, 2016).
Most couples cohabiting during the lockdown are attempting to balance a number of stressors all at once- work, health, and loss, amongst others. It is an impossible task, and thus the cumulative weight of all the stressors can bear down heavily on any relationship- even the strong ones. Communicating under stress often leads to difficult conversations, where a lot of unnecessary things are said. Heightened, bottled-up emotions are key to potential communication troubles, which is why it is vital that both individuals remain aware of what they are feeling.
Some tips on how couples can navigate through this stressful period without impacting their relationship have been listed as follows:
Keep the expectations in the relationship realistic
If anything, the pandemic has taught us more about our partners than we knew previously- like they may be more rigid than you thought, chew more loudly than you like, or even hate the music you like. At such times, the annoying habits of our partners become even more apparent. We may expect our partner to understand how we feel, without actually telling them. Of course, when this doesn’t happen, we feel angry- and this anger is often displaced. We often forget that a relationship goes both ways, if we do not communicate how we feel, how are they expected to understand? Acceptance is important, and letting go of high expectations of your partner might just lead them to listen and change in a positive direction.
Be patient with your partner
Being in isolation has definitely lowered our distress tolerance, leading us to get fed up faster than before. This is even more so for couples who are virtually dating or do not live together. Not being able to meet is already hard enough- in addition to the endless list of existing stressors. The same goes for your partner as well, thus letting frustration colour your interactions makes it tough for you to support each other. It may not be possible for them to understand how you feel, so be patient with them. You need to understand how you feel first, before expecting them to understand you. Moreover, checking in with your partner once and asking them how they feel helps them feel heard too.
Set boundaries that are healthy for you
No matter the size of one’s home, couples cohabitating need to figure out a space for themselves, along with keeping in touch with other people as well- even if virtual. Due to the pandemic, most couples spend their day together- way more than they used to before. Which is why having some alone time is important. Communicating this to your partner is important too so that they know how much time along your need, and what exactly it will look like.
Like with many other couples in this pandemic, tension might be running a bit higher than expected. A bit of honest communication, along with a little patience thrown in can help you and your partner come out of this pandemic with a stronger relationship than ever before.
