Ever realised how Monica’s character from the America TV show, F .R.I.E.N.D.S., was a perfectionist, hyper-active, overly stressed about small unnecessary details and competitive? Various analysis over her character showed her relation with obsessive compulsive disorder (Hooley & Parker, 2006). The reasons behind can be easily attributed to her mother being overly critical of her since childhood and always being compared to her brother. So here, one can see how criticism from an early age affect a person.
Criticism is typically seen as the expression of disapproval of someone on the basis of perceived faults or mistakes. It involves a process wherein an individual analyses the merits and faults of something or someone and expresses their concerns regarding the same. Criticism can be constructive or destructive. Both of them depend on the way and how the criticism is delivered to the individual. Criticism is essential for growth and development; it’s one of the most treasured ways of self-development and development of others.
However, when there is too much criticism or unfair criticism it might cause serious effects on mental health of the individual and their relations with others (Thapar et al., 2021; Hooley & Teasdale, 1989). Having parents who are authoritative, demanding, strict and stoic usually leads a child to be exposed to too much criticism (Kim-Spoon et al., 2012). Studies indicate that children who experience high parental criticism are 43% more likely to develop symptoms of depression or anxiety by adolescence (Thapar et al., 2021).
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Usually people believe that the child will become habitual to it however this is untrue. The child might get traumatised resulting in them not sharing healthy relations with parents and later with other social relations. They might start judging themselves, developing conditions of worth- where they believe in their worth only when they are able to accomplish something; and so on.
Some of the major effects of criticism from an early age include:
- Excess competitiveness : This can be seen in children of overly critical parents. This level of competitiveness is unhealthy to a point that it can ruin future interpersonal relationships (Psychology Today, 2024). Instead of seeking companionship in romantic relationships or friendships, the child seeks competitiveness where it not needed. This can also make them overly critical of their partners or friends, causing harm to them. According to longitudinal data from the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry (2022), nearly 1 in 3 adolescents raised by highly critical parents exhibit chronic low self-esteem and impaired emotional regulation.
- Attachment Styles : As mentioned above, overly critical parents might make a child feel insecure and unsafe (Amiri & Singh, 2023; Wilkinson et al., 2021). They make the child feel they need to achieve or accomplish something perfectly only then they are worthy of love as a reward. This ‘rewarding love’ process may make the child always chase perfectionism to satisfy their parents. Unable to do so the child might start feeling worthless and inferior. This might lead them to get diagnosed with depression or have low self esteem in themselves even as they grow. In many cases it is seen, in order to replace the lack of love from parents, children or adults get into sex, alcohol, drug addicts or they become overly controlling of others.
- Shame complex : On doing something wrong, regret or remorse is a correct way of expressing your emotions. Shame, on the other hand, is harmful. When a child feels shame about not being able to achieve something highly desired, they start to believe that there is something wrong with them and that they are powerless to change it. This kind of shame might thrust that child to become socially withdrawn, fear expressing their emotions and fear taking risks as well (Wilson Counseling, 2024; PsychCentral, 2022). Children exhibiting internalized shame due to critical parenting demonstrate a 40% higher likelihood of social withdrawal and avoidance behaviors (Wilson Counseling, 2024).
- Loss of self confidence: Having belief in yourself is one of the most important power that evolves one towards success. What others think about you is an important factor that determines your belief in your abilities or self confidence. Being constantly told that one is lazy or worthless or inferior might lead to a day where they actually start believing the same, undermining their self confidence and self image (American SPCC, 2025). This might affect their performance in day to day life and formation of relationships.
- Emotional Injury: Imagine being told everyday you are fat, dumb, lazy, stupid, worthless etc. For a child to hear the same thing everyday makes them really believe in it. As they grow up hearing the same words, phrases it rekindles these hurtful memories which triggers panic attacks, anxiety, compulsive behaviour and may also cause them a disorder later in life. Neuroscientific findings suggest that children of highly critical parents show reduced neural sensitivity to rewards and emotional warmth (James et al., 2021).
- Trust and relationships: Parental criticism, criticism from friends, or teachers since an early age affects the relationships one makes in future. It is obvious that these early social relationships serve as the foundation for future relations. Having this foundation coloured with the dark hues of criticism, one finds it hard to trust that someone will love them even if they aren’t able to do something perfectly. This results in major relationship issues for which they might need to take therapy. Emotional invalidation in early caregiving can predict poor trust and relational anxiety in adulthood (Frontiers in Psychology, 2021) These are only few domains to state, research shows that criticism can affect professional and personal life of one in multiple ways.
Some ways of avoiding criticising a child while helping them develop are:
- Correct them, don’t criticize them; make them realize where they went wrong instead of scolding them unnecessarily. Parenting styles emphasizing warmth and support are correlated with increased secure attachments and emotional resilience (Tandfonline, 2024; American SPCC, 2025).
- First, show them how things are done step by step, while teaching something new. Then ask them to repeat it.
- If they make mistakes, let them know that their mistakes can be resolved by taking some steps and that mistakes are part of learning. Studies demonstrate that replacing criticism with constructive feedback reduces child anxiety symptoms by 38% over six months (Tandfonline, 2024)
- Make them understand that sometimes when something doesn’t work out then it’s better for them to move on rather than judging themselves over the mistake.
- Show them acknowledgement and appreciation for their hard work and not just for their achievements. Teacher interventions focused on positive reinforcement improved emotional resilience by 25% among students aged 8–12 (Frontiers in Psychology, 2021).
- Make them trust that they would have your love irrespective of their small errors because its natural for humans to make errors.
- If any of your friends are suffering from severe symptoms emerging from such experience, suggest them to reach out for professional help.
These were some of the ways one can make a secure space for younger children around and help them develop into healthy being with healthy relationships.
